Funny Programmer Jokes

An engineer, a manager, and a programmer are riding in a car. They come to a hill and their brakes fail. After careening down the hill and finally coming to a stop they get out to decide what to do. The manager says “We need to have a meeting to form a committee to see what we should do next!” The engineer says, “Screw that! Give me a pocket knife and some duck tape and I’ll have us going in no time!” The programmer looks at them both and says, “Lets push it back to the top and see if it does it again.”


An int, a char and a string walk into a bar and order some drinks. A short while later, the int and char start hitting on the waitress who gets very uncomfortable and walks away. The string walks up to the waitress and says “You’ll have to forgive them, they’re primitive types.”


A programmer’s wife sends him to the grocery store with the instructions, “get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.” He comes home with a dozen loaf of bread and tells her, “they had eggs.”


God summons the devil and jesus, and he challenges them to a programming contest. God gives them the spec and they begin. Jesus and the devil write their code furiously. As the contest reaches the end, the power suddenly goes out for a moment, both of their monitors go blank, and reboot when the power comes back on. God asks to see the two programs. The Devil says that he had a good program, but he lost it when the power was out. Jesus had no such problem, and won the contest, because Jesus saves.


A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The man said, “Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”


A SQL query walks up to two tables in a restaurant and asks: “Mind if I join you?”
Eight bytes walk into a bar and say to the bartender: “Make us a double.”
Two strings walk into a bar. One says to the bartender: “I’ll have a beer*7jd@jh.” The other says: “Excuse my friend, he’s not null terminated.”


A man walks into a pet shop containing various different types of animals, and notices that they’re very expensive. He points at a monkey, and asks the pet shop owner “This monkey costs $40,000! Why is it so expensive?” The pet shop owner replies, “Ah, that’s a special monkey, that – it can program in Java – good for enterprise programming and web stuff.” The man looks around a bit more, and notices another more expensive monkey. He asks the pet shop owner “This one costs $50,000 – what does this one do?” The pet shop owner says “That’s a C++ monkey. More advanced, low-level and faster code.” The man accepts this and looks around the pet shop a bit more. He then sees another even more expensive monkey. “Good god – this monkey costs $70,000 – what on earth does it do?” he asks. “Well, I’ve never actually seen that monkey do anything,” said the pet shop owner, “but the other monkeys call it the project manager.”


A programmer goes out with a chick. Next day he tells his friend how the date went: “It was raining, we were soaked. We went to her place where she started to undress before me… Then she threw the wet clothes on the computer” – “Wow… what kind of computer?” – the other says.


10 Excuses of Programmers to a Non-technical Boss

  1. “That’s weird.”
  2. “But it worked yesterday!”
  3. “It must be a hardware problem.”
  4. “It works on my machine.”
  5. “Your computer might be infected with a virus.”
  6. “Someone must have changed my code..”
  7. “It really does that.”
  8. “Oh my God you broke it!” –  very effective for warding off the boss.
  9. “Almost done.”
  10. “Compiling!”

5 Things Programmers Wonder About Their Own Code

  1. “Why are you not working?!”
  2. “Why are you working?!”
  3. “Where’s the missing semi-colon?!”
  4. “What just happened?!”
  5. “Who coded this sh@t?!”

Top 5 Words Commonly Uttered by Programmers

  1. (removed by editor due to excessive profanity)
  2. (removed by editor due to excessive profanity)
  3. (removed by editor due to excessive profanity)
  4. (removed by editor due to excessive profanity)
  5. (removed by editor due to excessive profanity)

Question and Answer

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They won’t touch it because it’s a hardware problem.

Q: What do cats and programmers have in common?
A: When either one is unusually happy and excited, an appropriate question would be, “did you find a bug?”

Q: What is the most used language in programming?
A: Profanity.

Q: Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25

Q: How did the programmer die in the shower?
A: He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A:Because he didn’t get arrays.

Q: How do developers create shaman spells?
A: Using a hex editor.

Ref: http://www.1stwebdesigner.com/inspiration/programming-jokes-comics-videos/

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